What do you do if you have not had contact with people for more than a year? How do you pick up the thread again? Is a connection possible and is the desire big enough to see one another again (in Corona times)? Re-shine the light on relationships: it is happening a lot now. With the freedom which we are slowly regaining, we can agree to meet up again. Do we really want that? Or have some relationships almost dissolved?
The way to ‘being together more’
Yesterday I had a transmission with Robert Bridgeman, voor de Holy Grail Retreat (we do this online using Zoom). I have been working with Robert for more than a year now. A wonderful example of what ‘Corona times’ can bring: new connections and equal minded people. I find that this is happening more and more in the spiritual community. That writers, speakers, coaches, gurus and lightworkers are joining as a collective community to be a strong source of Light and Love. This is a lovely development. And in my opinion very much needed in these times.
Giel Beelen (a Dutch radio presenter) is becoming a real person of action. On his platform Kukuruhe bundles the lessons and wisdom of almost most of the entire spiritual community of The Netherlands. Last weekend he had 25 speakers in his live Shamballa webinar ((even I was one of them). A non-stop transmission, for three consecutive days … try doing that! But the entire marathon was derived from Giel’s own journey into spirituality which results in the most amazing discussions. It reminds me about how important it is to keep connected, right now. To inspire, raise, strengthen and drive one another forward.
What I have learnt on my way towards ‘more togetherness’ is that a connection only works if this rests on three pillars: A strong I,, a strong WE and a STRONG THEM. Before I often lacked the understanding from the I side. Who I am and what I stand for … I didn’t know that very well. I could be so naïve, far too open and far too generous. Not taking enough care of myself in respect of others, with the result that I repeatedly landed in situations where I thought I had made a connection, but in reality, I was cheated or taken advantage of. There was a time when I really did not want to be involved with anyone at all. Strange really, now I see how much I now enjoy sharing and being on the way together.
A strong I
Connecting with others? It all begins with you! It is a cliché, but love for others can only happen if you begin with self-love. If you don’t have that, then you will see how quickly you become dependent on your surroundings. You go looking for a confirmation, recognition, appreciation and respect. You want to be seen … because the invisible I is an unhappy I. The paradox is that no one wants to really put a pleaser in the spotlights. Pleasers have the behavior, which comes from the pattern that you want to prove yourself. It is behavior based on the fear for rejection. People who love themselves and take themselves seriously, well enough not to be bothered about what others think, they are the ones we respect. Someone who dares to show themselves and dares to speak out, without needing the approval of others. So, a strong I.
Personally, I feel self-confident enough to write this, because I really know what it is like not to feel this power. I have struggled a long time with my I, so long that I was done with it. I was so done with keep on having to give, wasting my time and energy and short-changing myself. I was so done with keep on having to account for my feelings and defend myself in discussions. A more than ever, I was so done with having to take responsibility that I did not want to, but purely attracted to myself in order to please others.
“ A free session, for your friend? That is fine, I will eat later”
“You don’t like my design? OK, then we will use yours”
Oh, I wasn’t supposed to say that? Well, I won’t say it anymore”
I had the large room today? Oh, I will manage in the smaller one”
This has been going on for more than a month. But OK if you say that it’s impossible any other way”
The more disappointed I became, the more frustration occurred and I said to myself again: ‘There you are, I just knew that this would happen! I just cannot trust anyone’. And all of that even though in fact it wasn’t anyone’s fault. I just did not take myself seriously. I had lack of self-love. Believe me when I say that I have had to encounter a lot of of bumps to come to this insight. I am talking about numerous discussions, wasting hundreds of hours, throwing expensive projects into the bin, a legal case and even a bankruptcy. It was all necessary to see that there was no point short-changing myself anymore. The strong I had to stand up and take a good look in the mirror and then to say: ‘You are worth it. You may Be. You are good enough just as you are.’
A strong WE
The second pillar for a strong connection, in my own opinion, is a strong WE. Too often I encounter that connections occurs from a ‘win-win’ situation. You need me and I need you. Together we can achieve more. However wonderful that sounds, in practice it is not always pure. It is often more of a transaction. It is based on result. It is business.
I have a list of ex-partners who promised me ‘the best deal’ in the past, people I wanted to make plans with and opened the champagne when the signatures had been written, to then discover that that they were in the race in a different way than I thought. At the moment when things weren’t going well, conflicts occurred and I discovered that they were standing in the world in a totally different place than me. The best deals then became: getting out and accepting my losses. Very disappointing and in some cases a very high price to pay for a personal lesson.
What I learnt from these situations is, that the connection must be made based on source values. I am very lucky that I have made several connections in this way. Every time that I either see or speak to these people, I feel a resonation. ‘I believe what you believe, together we are one.’ That is what we see in each other’s eyes.
Often, I don’t even have a concrete plan with the other. It is just fine to be same vicinity with each other. And then if we have a good idea, we often don’t need a lot of words. We see ourselves in the eyes of each other and then we know that he or she will make the same decisions (even if things go wrong). There is no competition, no atmosphere of ‘who is in charge’ or blaming one another. We connect in the higher purpose, which means to me: making the world a more beautiful and loving place. It can translate to many values and projects. It can also result in discussions or disagreements and this is fine too. Where there is passion, there is fire. Where there is fire, there are flames. But one thing that will never enter our shared energy field and that is the thought: ‘How can I profit the most from you?’ This is conditional and egoistical. A strong WE are thinking: What connects us and can we enlarge this feeling, so that we can be even more happy together?’
Or in other words: I plus I is a strong WE?
And finally: THEM (Those and They)
Okay, now you have a strong I and you know who you really are, what you want and what you stand for etc. You have found the right people around you. People who believe what you believe. Those who resonate with you and where you can be yourself. This brings me to the third pillar and that is THEM by THEM I mean those who are not sitting in your circle, that do not stand for what you stand for, and possibly are a threat to keep things intact from the I and WE.
Unfortunately, and sadly … the world is not that far yet and we are all embracing each other, being loving and allowing people in their own values. I believe myself that we are on the way to a united consciousness, but along the way we encounter each and every day, rejection, judgment and threat. I am talking about THEM, those who don’t want the best for us and maybe even have the intention to play us off against each other or even convert. This can be on a big, as well as small scale.
For me personally THEY are the people that revel in power and riches. THOSE who cannot look beyond science and religion and THOSE who are skeptical (and remain so) over spirituality. In the past I was often tempted (without the strong I) to want to convince these people. I wanted to give THEM my version of the truth and show that I was not just saying something, but that I had done a lot of deep (self) research. This gave me a lot of discussions and battles.
Now I am standing differently, because I no longer feel the need to convince others of something. I see the world in a certain way and I stand up for the things I find important. I have also found the people who stand for this too. And THOSE who think differently, I have respect for, but they should do that in their own circles. At the borders, we can snuffle one another, have a talk, possibly inspire one another, or bring one another different new thoughts. But the border is there, where the source values collide. THEY may not be a threat to the WE.
It may sound a bit unsympathetic (pointing to a THEM) but the formation of who you are not and what does not resonate with you in this world, can actually be surprisingly connecting. It can inspire a large group towards growth, towards solidarity, towards courage and towards success. Resistance and opposition are often needed to stand out above things, where you find enlightenment and new insights. That is why I often rub up a little bit against the other fields, not to irritate someone, but to make that WE feeling more apparent. A group or culture can often change, get different values, or even ascend in another WE, so a test or challenge every now and again can be useful.
Cherishing or breaking connections
Coming back to relationships: how do you know now (after a year of Corona) if the connection still feels good or not? If you want to keep someone in your life? Or if you have to let that person, go with love?
With every connection you give a part of yourself to the other. A part of you lives in him or her. In deep connections there can be many lines or ‘hooks’ that keep the connection going. Think about memories, shared moments or pain or happiness, or beliefs about life. Such a line is not only when you see or speak to one another. It is always there, in our quantum field of consciousness. You can be one with the other, in feelings and thoughts. It is more the question does this feel fine or not?
If it isn’t going well for someone on the other side of the connection? Then the frequency lowers and you go lower too. Suddenly you can feel tired, down, or uninspired. There are even people who for no reason at all, suddenly become depressed, purely because they are energetically connected to someone else. I then always ask myself two questions:
Do I feel an irresistible desire to help the other now?
Does my help support the happiness of both of us?
If I can say ‘yes’ to both questions, then there is no doubt: this person belongs in my life. My reaction can vary from an app to literally dropping everything and jumping in the car and driving to see him or her. Whatever, I have to do something to confirm the energetic connection. If my answer is ‘no’ then a process of releasing occurs. In thought visualizing the lines and cutting them – one for one. I do that with love, without judgment. This also does not have to mean that I will never see that person again. It is only that I decide not to remain connected and get the pieces of myself that I have given away, back again. In this way I become whole again … and in the end maybe even mean more for that person.
Activation Inner Freedom
Next Monday, I am live again with a new webinar. This will be a bit of a difference experience because I have gone over to YouTube Live. Apart from the technical change, the webinar will be the same and we will do an activation together.
I have chosen this time for the code Inner Freedom. In this way I hope to inspire the freedom to come out from within, so that you don’t make yourself dependent on people, influences, or beliefs, to feel free. I invite you to be there on Monday 10th May 2021 at 21.00 hrs.
Van hart tot hart,